A Good Day

 October 1,, 2023

Look at Shelley's sweet smile!  She is natural, no makeup. When I go, I always apply the Mary Kay Extra Emollient Night Cream to her little face. It helps with dryness, and for some reason, her skin stays dry.

Nevertheless, people think she’s is a Barbie Doll. A teenager came to visit her grandmother, and she asked an aid, “Is she younger than me?”  The young lady who asked is eighteen.

Shelley doesn’t look like a teenager, but she definitely appears younger than she is.

When she was well, she loved makeup, and I remember the day I visited and she didn’t have any on. I laid it out for her. After gazing at the products for a bit, she said, “I don’t think I remember how to put it on.”

I applied it for her.

The day before, she knew how to gather it and apply it herself.

It amazes me how one day can make a difference with this disease.

Everyone loves her in this facility. She is a positive person, and when an aid helps her with something, she says, “I love you.”

This illness is different for each patient. Some experience violent outbreaks. So far, Shelley remains her sweet self.

 

Hints for Helping a Loved One.

 

1. Check on them often. Tell an aid or a director what your loved one needs. Shelley’s nails require a good trimming. I will text the director.

2. Enquire if the loved one is getting enough exercise. If your loved one is always sitting, ask the aid to walk them around the room and watch the progress. This helps prevent bedsores and gives strength.

3. Is the patient gaining weight or losing? Inspecting how clothes fit is a good indication of either one.

It is difficult to watch and listen. Our loved ones decline daily, but we are their spokesperson to help them have the best quality of life possible. Don’t be afraid to speak up.

Wheel Chair Now

 When we interviewed at the new facility, Shelley's acceptance was based up her ability to walk into the establishment.

This was a major concern. Shelley could shuffle with help in July, 2023. If she was having a bad day, could she do it?

We wondered why walking into the place was the stipulation. We have decided since the admission that the new facility didn't want to accept a person who was already bedridden.

Leaving the old facility was a chore! From her room to the car was a long way, but with help, she walked there.

July 10, 2023 We leave friends

By the time we arrived at the new facility, Shelley was worn out. I had asked her on the way, "How are you?" She had replied, "I don't know."

When we arrived, we couldn't get her to move her legs. She was exhausted. The director met us at the door and said, "She needs a wheelchair."

Shelley has been in the wheelchair since then. We were relieved they didn't turn us away. What would we have done then?

As soon as they wheeled her into the new establishment, they placed her in a recliner, and she fell into a deep sleep.

She seems to like the wheelchair, but I hope they get her up now and then to move around. When her dad and I go, we help her up so she can scuffle a few steps.

Sometimes I push her around the place. She'll say, "Let's go."  And often she tries to peddle from place to place with her feet, but she isn't strong enough.

She's been in the new community for a month now, and she has adjusted better than I thought she would.  For that, I thank God. 

I like to include ideas and hints to help people who are going through this journey.

Helpful Hints 

1. Pop in at unexpected times. See how the staff is treating your loved one.  

2. Ask questions. In this new facility, I've had to ask many questions. Who does the laundry? How often? Did the bed get changed?

3. Volunteer to help with an activity if you can. I play the piano and offered to play hymns now and then.

4.Take the staff a few treats. Give them a card with a handwritten note of gratitude. Most of them work hard, and they take care of your loved one. Encouragement is good for them. Compliment them while you are there.

Moving From One Facility to Another

Shelley has been in her present community for three years. The director told us the facility would increase their price by a whopping 53% as of August 1. The care would remain the same.

I beg your pardon? You are increasing thousands of dollars, but the care doesn't change?

We gave the required 30 day notice. However, the facility says we must pay 13 days into the next month because we didn't give a 30 day notice. They gave us a price increase on July 10, and we gave notice on July 13. She moves July 31. The 13 days in August that makes up the 30 days will cost thousands of dollars. They didn't give us a 30 day notice of a price increase.

Yep. That's right.

We found a new place, and it is up-to-date, clean, and less expensive than our old price that we are paying.

However, I hate to move her. Transition is difficult for dementia patients. More often than not, the move hastens decline.

We have no choice. The current facility is too expensive and doesn't offer any different care than what she receives.

Her current place leaves her in a chair all day to stare at the walls, but she has several aids that I like a lot, and they love Shelley. 

The new place will have her interacting with people, and this is better.

I have a few suggestions for you if you are looking for a facility.

1. Negotiate the price. It's like buying a car. You can usually obtain a lower monthly price.

2. Negotiate the move in fee. Most places require an upfront fee. This can also be negotiated.

3. Read the contract before you sign it!

4. If the agreement doesn't say the facility will give you a 30 day notice of a price increase, write it into the agreement.  

Many of these facilities care more about the bottom line than they do for people.

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