He is preaching her funeral in this photo.
I am amazed at how sudden events make my sorrow return. Shelley left Earth a year and eight months
ago. Most days, I truck along and am at ease. Then, WHAMO! A memory pops up on
my phone, or I meet a stranger and mention Shelley. Boom! Tears suddenly appear
out of nowhere. At other times, I can talk about her and not feel sad.
Why is that?
We had already prearranged a funeral home, burial plot, and
chosen a casket. Shelley went with us to make the selections. She chose ceramic
humming birds to go at the corners of the casket. She loved those little
creatures, and her hubby called Shelley, “my little humming bird.”
I wonder if I grieved properly or thoroughly at the time of
Shelley’s actual death. I knew it was coming, and I felt relieved for her. God
freed her from a useless mind and body. Immediately
after she left, I plunged into final arrangements. I wrote the obituary,
planned the service, selected music, and arranged for pallbearers. I gathered
pictures and artifacts.
The service was sweet for a daughter whom I love. I actually believe
she would have loved the whole thing. If it were possible, she’d say, “Thanks,
Mom.”
I didn’t cry much during the service. I needed to make certain
the service went well, and I had people to greet. I filled the hours with work
before the event. A lot of work, but planning programs is what I do, and this
time, I did it for my Shelley.
Here I am with daughter Christy after the funeral. I chose to wear a bright color as I emphasized Shelley's free spirt in heaven.
I read about delayed grief. Perhaps that is some of my experience at this time in my life. I needed to be strong for others, and I was busy with matters at hand.
For people with delayed grief, a memory, an anniversary, or
a word from someone can trigger sorrow. I
expect it will be the same twenty years from now.
Read about delayed grief here. https://themighty.com/topic/depression/delayed-grief-family-member-death/
Tips for Caregivers
1.
When the time comes, who will plan the service
for your loved one? It is a good idea to have someone in mind. If possible,
make arrangements in advance.
2.
Do you have a minister to officiate? I hope so.
Funeral homes can provide a minister if you don’t have one.
3.
Gather stories you’d like the minister to tell.
4.
What music does your loved one enjoy? Plan to
incorporate some of it.
5.
Be aware that you might experience delayed
grief. When it comes, live with it. It will eventually go away only to return
another day.