Sweet Memories

 IPhones are amazing. They produce videos all by themselves.  The above one popped up recently, and I thought I'd share it.  The video has pictures from 2018/2019. Shelley went through a lot of hairstyles back in those days.

The last style is a pixie. None of us liked that one, but her hair grows quickly. She is a natural brunette, but she decided she wanted to be blonde, and she liked that color.

When she lived in  the assisted living in Columbus Oaks, Columbus, TX, I took her way out in the country to Rudy's.  Rudy had a mobil home turned into a hair salon, and he was good with hair, and he was excellent with Shelley and her dementia.

Before Covid, I ask Rudy to cut in short in a style Shelley had worn once.  It was sort of a mullet back then. I showed him pictures. He must have been having an off day because Shelley ended up with a pixie.

Shelley loved wearing makeup and jewelry.  I remember how shocked I was the day I went to the assisted living in Columbus, and she wasn't dressed yet. I put the makeup out for her. She looked at it, and then turned those big eyes up to me and said, "I don't remember how." The day before, she had remembered and had applied it flawlessly, but from that day on, someone had to apply makeup to her little face.

Dementia is strange. It's common for a person suffering with it to instantly have a skill vanish. What they do today, can't be done tomorrow.

Yesterday was her birthday, and we took cakes and presents. She wasn't aware of much of what we were doing, but as we began to gather up items, she said, "Are y'all leaving?"

That's the first sentence she has generated in months. She responds appropriately, but when she talks, it is gibberish.

March 6, 2023, Shelley with sister, Christy

Taking pictures is difficult these days. Shelley is bent over and can't hold her head up.  If you say, "smile," she doesn't seem to understand. She only smiles if she sees me.

The staff had her dressed in a pretty dress. I had bought it for her several years ago to wear at Easter. They tied her long hair into a pony tail. No makeup, though. It's is difficult to apply cosmetics. Like a child, Shelley wants to eat whatever is brought close to her face.

She was diagnosed in 2014, so we are into our 9th year.  Most studies say early onset dementia patients live about 8 years.  I found myself wondering if this would be her last birthday.

I did well yesterday. I didn't burst into tears during the day. Sister, Christy, and her dad did well too. I know it was because people prayed for us.

One of the kindest things you can do for a caregiver is pray for them.

Talking: We Take it for Granted

 

Children learn to speak at an early age. Most babies say DaDa first, and then Mama. Our great granddaughter is babbling up a storm, and her mother is eager to hear mama. 

Shelley's daughter, Shelley's granddaughter, and me. February, 2023

Our daughter with dementia can't initiate a conversation. She does respond to questions, but I'm not sure she realized this baby is her granddaughter.

Shelley, her daughter and granddaughter 2/23

We are into year eight of dementia, and Shelley once was an articulate lady.  She was outgoing, and teachers always wrote, "talks too much" on report cards.  She loved babies, and would have made baby Mac fall in love with her.  These days, she makes appropriate answers to questions.

A conversation might go like this.

Me:  "Did you have chicken for lunch?"

Shelley: "Yes, I did."

Me:  "Was it good?"

Shelley: "It was good."

Me: "Do you like dancing?"

Shelley:  "I like dancing."

Me:  Isn't Baby Mac beautiful?

Shelley: She's beautiful.

If I don't ask questions, she will stare at me, or start speaking gibberish. I'll pretend I understood and I'll respond with, "That's true."

Sometimes I talk about her past life. I don't say, "remember?"  I just tell her what fun we had when we got lost in the country. In the picture below, I had picked her up from her assisted living facility in Columbus, TX, and we toured the backroads. We drove around looking at Bluebonnets and when we found a town, we ate steak and cheesecake for dessert.  I took lots of photos on that trip, and we had a good time. We spent the night in a hotel in Brenham, TX. 

April 4, 2018

Back in  April, 2018, when we took our trip, she could still carry a conversation and make sense.

Sometimes today, ( February, 2023) she merely hollers.  

I think I would too if I experienced frustration because I couldn't talk.

Dementia/Alzheimers is hard on everyone: the one who has it and the family who watches, cares, and loves. 

Talk to the person who has it in a normal way. You never know what will connect. Don't talk down to them, and don't holler as if they are deaf. Somewhere inside that decaying mind and body is the person they once were.

What's A Good Day?

 

April 22, 2022

Today is February 18, 2023. It will soon be a year since I took this picture.  Shelley looks good and is smiling. This must have been a good day.

When a person has dementia, it's not always easy to tell if they are having a good day or not.  What is locked up there in their brain?  Memories? Happiness to see you? Frustration because they can't speak?

For the caregiver, a good day is when the person recognizes you. 

Another caregiver might be having a good day when the dementia person doesn't foul his/her clothes, and there's no smelly cleanup involved.

For each of us, the person with the horrific disease, or the caregiver, a good day can be hard to define.

When we have one, we're grateful.