Talking: We Take it for Granted

 

Children learn to speak at an early age. Most babies say DaDa first, and then Mama. Our great granddaughter is babbling up a storm, and her mother is eager to hear mama. 

Shelley's daughter, Shelley's granddaughter, and me. February, 2023

Our daughter with dementia can't initiate a conversation. She does respond to questions, but I'm not sure she realized this baby is her granddaughter.

Shelley, her daughter and granddaughter 2/23

We are into year eight of dementia, and Shelley once was an articulate lady.  She was outgoing, and teachers always wrote, "talks too much" on report cards.  She loved babies, and would have made baby Mac fall in love with her.  These days, she makes appropriate answers to questions.

A conversation might go like this.

Me:  "Did you have chicken for lunch?"

Shelley: "Yes, I did."

Me:  "Was it good?"

Shelley: "It was good."

Me: "Do you like dancing?"

Shelley:  "I like dancing."

Me:  Isn't Baby Mac beautiful?

Shelley: She's beautiful.

If I don't ask questions, she will stare at me, or start speaking gibberish. I'll pretend I understood and I'll respond with, "That's true."

Sometimes I talk about her past life. I don't say, "remember?"  I just tell her what fun we had when we got lost in the country. In the picture below, I had picked her up from her assisted living facility in Columbus, TX, and we toured the backroads. We drove around looking at Bluebonnets and when we found a town, we ate steak and cheesecake for dessert.  I took lots of photos on that trip, and we had a good time. We spent the night in a hotel in Brenham, TX. 

April 4, 2018

Back in  April, 2018, when we took our trip, she could still carry a conversation and make sense.

Sometimes today, ( February, 2023) she merely hollers.  

I think I would too if I experienced frustration because I couldn't talk.

Dementia/Alzheimers is hard on everyone: the one who has it and the family who watches, cares, and loves. 

Talk to the person who has it in a normal way. You never know what will connect. Don't talk down to them, and don't holler as if they are deaf. Somewhere inside that decaying mind and body is the person they once were.