Wheel Chair Now

 When we interviewed at the new facility, Shelley's acceptance was based up her ability to walk into the establishment.

This was a major concern. Shelley could shuffle with help in July, 2023. If she was having a bad day, could she do it?

We wondered why walking into the place was the stipulation. We have decided since the admission that the new facility didn't want to accept a person who was already bedridden.

Leaving the old facility was a chore! From her room to the car was a long way, but with help, she walked there.

July 10, 2023 We leave friends

By the time we arrived at the new facility, Shelley was worn out. I had asked her on the way, "How are you?" She had replied, "I don't know."

When we arrived, we couldn't get her to move her legs. She was exhausted. The director met us at the door and said, "She needs a wheelchair."

Shelley has been in the wheelchair since then. We were relieved they didn't turn us away. What would we have done then?

As soon as they wheeled her into the new establishment, they placed her in a recliner, and she fell into a deep sleep.

She seems to like the wheelchair, but I hope they get her up now and then to move around. When her dad and I go, we help her up so she can scuffle a few steps.

Sometimes I push her around the place. She'll say, "Let's go."  And often she tries to peddle from place to place with her feet, but she isn't strong enough.

She's been in the new community for a month now, and she has adjusted better than I thought she would.  For that, I thank God. 

I like to include ideas and hints to help people who are going through this journey.

Helpful Hints 

1. Pop in at unexpected times. See how the staff is treating your loved one.  

2. Ask questions. In this new facility, I've had to ask many questions. Who does the laundry? How often? Did the bed get changed?

3. Volunteer to help with an activity if you can. I play the piano and offered to play hymns now and then.

4.Take the staff a few treats. Give them a card with a handwritten note of gratitude. Most of them work hard, and they take care of your loved one. Encouragement is good for them. Compliment them while you are there.

Moving From One Facility to Another

Shelley has been in her present community for three years. The director told us the facility would increase their price by a whopping 53% as of August 1. The care would remain the same.

I beg your pardon? You are increasing thousands of dollars, but the care doesn't change?

We gave the required 30 day notice. However, the facility says we must pay 13 days into the next month because we didn't give a 30 day notice. They gave us a price increase on July 10, and we gave notice on July 13. She moves July 31. The 13 days in August that makes up the 30 days will cost thousands of dollars. They didn't give us a 30 day notice of a price increase.

Yep. That's right.

We found a new place, and it is up-to-date, clean, and less expensive than our old price that we are paying.

However, I hate to move her. Transition is difficult for dementia patients. More often than not, the move hastens decline.

We have no choice. The current facility is too expensive and doesn't offer any different care than what she receives.

Her current place leaves her in a chair all day to stare at the walls, but she has several aids that I like a lot, and they love Shelley. 

The new place will have her interacting with people, and this is better.

I have a few suggestions for you if you are looking for a facility.

1. Negotiate the price. It's like buying a car. You can usually obtain a lower monthly price.

2. Negotiate the move in fee. Most places require an upfront fee. This can also be negotiated.

3. Read the contract before you sign it!

4. If the agreement doesn't say the facility will give you a 30 day notice of a price increase, write it into the agreement.  

Many of these facilities care more about the bottom line than they do for people.

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Patriotic Times

 Happier days in assisted living. 2018

Patriotic Times

Like most of us, Shelley loved patriotic holidays.  Her favorite one is July 4. Not only is this date America’s birthday, but it is also mine.

Back in her employed career, holidays provided days away from a busy place. Shelley worked for an insurance agency and won awards for sales. Not being retail, her job didn’t’ require weekends, so she welcomed holidays with a three-day extension. 

Shelley loves her country, and she celebrated each patriotic holiday. She was proud of her grandfather and son for serving in the US Army. 

Her son Rich is the taller man who stands in front by the man with flag. He was the platoon leader at graduation. Shelley loved every proud moment of this day..

Perhaps, deep down, she has days of thanksgiving for America. On Memorial Day, she would voice gratitude for the sacrifices men and women have made through the years.

At her memory care facility, the aids decorate hallways and community rooms with streamers and other red, white, and blue paraphernalia. The aids do their best to keep residents current with times and dates. They direct a news event every afternoon to residents who are able to come. The aid in charge gives the day and date and then they read news about current events. I sometimes wonder how much these residents understand or retain. All are in various stages of dementia.

Shelley doesn’t attend. In fact, no one bothers to take her to these gatherings. This bothers me, but I also understand why they fail to include her. She can’t easily sit in a straight-backed chair, and she is past understanding what the aids talk about.

Music is different. She enjoys music and would like to participate in musical joint sessions.

She remembers tunes, and patriotic melodies are among her favorites. She likes the “Star Spangled Banner,” “My Country Tis of Thee,” and the “Battle Hymn of the Republic.”

As we remember the men and women who paid the supreme sacrifice for our country, let us also remember to talk about these events to our loved ones with dementia.  Here are suggestions.

1. Show them pictures of loved ones who serve, or once served.

2. Sing patriotic songs.

3. Say the Pledge of Allegiance.

4. Give them a tiny flag and talk about the day.