What's A Good Day?

 

April 22, 2022

Today is February 18, 2023. It will soon be a year since I took this picture.  Shelley looks good and is smiling. This must have been a good day.

When a person has dementia, it's not always easy to tell if they are having a good day or not.  What is locked up there in their brain?  Memories? Happiness to see you? Frustration because they can't speak?

For the caregiver, a good day is when the person recognizes you. 

Another caregiver might be having a good day when the dementia person doesn't foul his/her clothes, and there's no smelly cleanup involved.

For each of us, the person with the horrific disease, or the caregiver, a good day can be hard to define.

When we have one, we're grateful.

Sad Days Come, but Joy Returns

 

Sad days come my way.

Today is one of them.

Heartache won't forever stay,

but life is a fragile stem.

Time can bring sorrow,

And moments offer relief.

Tears soar away tomorrow,

But today I bear the grief.

--Gay N. Lewis

Here I am with Shelley on a happy day. I took this selfie three years ago.  We were waiting for the doctor to come in, and we joked about everything in his exam room.  So much fun!

Notice her bangs?  One of the ladies at the assisted living center cut them without asking my permission.  I was not a happy camper about that.

We caregivers often have people telling us how to do things.  It adds to our frustration.  I know some caregivers who have "coaches." These good-intentioned folks tell the 24/7 caregivers how to do a better job. Of course, that "coach" doesn't have a real clue about the care for a helpless one on a day and night basis, but they think they help with their instructions.

On the other hand, some give suggestions out of meanness.

The dear lady who cut Shelley's bangs thought she was helping.  She told me she fixed Shelley's hair to make her look cuter.

I smiled and bit my tongue.  A hard thing for Gay N. Lewis to do. Believe me! 

Caregivers don't need clueless coaches.

Happy days come. So do sad ones. It's life.

And these happy/sad times come also to healthy people as well as those suffering with dementia. I remind myself that situations will look differently tomorrow.

Gay's books on Amazon

Dementia Makes Thin People

 This picture was made in October, 2022.  Shelley was having a good day.

See how large her clothes are? They once fit. It's typical for people who have dementia/Alzheimer's to grow skinny.  Most of the people in her memory care are thin. They eat, but the brain functions differently with this disease, and somehow the calories fail to register.

There are some instances where caregivers fail to feed the person adequately. The person eats slowly, and time runs out. The caregiver moves on.  This has happened with my Shelley, but I complained, and I think most of the caregivers try harder. The person with dementia must have time to eat.

Sometimes the person doesn't like the food. My Shelley always enjoyed spicy foods. Her nickname was SalsaShell because she loved salsa.  The food in the facility is bland and needs more flavor.

I took her a package of spicy Doritors the other day, and she loved them.

She was also thristy. Who wouldn't be after eating a package of spicy Doritos?  I opened a bottle of Boost and fed it to her.  I keep Boost on hand, but most of the time, it goes unopened. Another one of those time things.

However, drinking and strangling is a problem, and I can understand the fear a caregiver has when feeding a drink to a dementia patient.  There is always the possibility of aspiration. I worry about that, too. I know caregivers have a difficult job, but these patients get thristy.  The facility has a hydration time in the afternoon, but I'm not sure how well it works.  The faculity tries to make sure everyone gets water from a three ounce cup.  It's not much water, but hey, it's something.

Another reason the dementia patients grow thin is the wandering factor. They are restless and walk a lot.

Shelley doesn't walk as much as she once did. Most of the time, the caregivers prop her up in the recliner. I understand this. She has fallen several times, and the caregivers worry about her falling. Sometimes they walk with her.

I hate to see her in her chair staring at the wall.

When you visit a loved one in these facilities, take something good to eat, and follow it up with a drink.  Give them something they once had but don't get now. 

They may not say "thank you," but they will be grateful.