Grief as a Resident

 Loss Brings Sorrow.

The petite four-year-old child lost her favorite doll, and she cried with sadness. Her heart is broken. Her mom bought her another doll, but she never forgets the one who meant so much to her. The little one lives with grief.

A wife kissed her husband goodbye as he deployed for his latest mission. She fears the doorbell will ring, and she will find a Military Chaplain standing outside with a sad look on his face. Days go by. The military personnel knock on the door, and without a word, the wife knows. She lives with grief.

The man loves his PTSD dog and names him Otis. He slept with Otis for thirteen years. But the time came when Otis had to cross over the rainbow bridge. The man lives with grief.

A couple celebrated sixty years of marriage, but cancer claimed the wife. The husband lives with grief.

The mother and adult daughter once
shared a sweet friendship, but an unfortunate incident divided them. Although they live in the same town, they haven’t spoken in thirty years.  They live with grief.

The man of the young woman’s dreams decided to call off the engagement. The thrown-aside female lives with grief.

A hurricane blew through the southern states leaving multitudes homeless. The inhabitants live with grief.

In the cases above, the death of a loved one brought about grief. In other instances, misfortune caused grief.

Academics say torrid, agonizing grief can last a year, and then it begins to fade into acceptance. Everyone’s journey with grief is different, but all who live with sorrow share common feelings.

Among the emotions the Grief Resident brings are these: Numbness. Anger. Denial. Confusion. Sleep trouble. Appetite problems. Depression. Profound sadness.

Our daughter declined daily for ten years with dementia. We lived with grief during those ten years. Now that her struggle is over, grief continues to exist with us.

Will it end in a year as the academics say?

I have no idea, but even if it does dissipate, and I’m no longer living with acute sadness, I know grief will find its way back to me again. It’s called life, and life brings farewells to all of us. Whether it is to a loved one, a treasured home, health, divorce, or bankruptcy.

Rain and sunshine exist together.

So! Is there hope for this New Year? Yes! Of course there is hope. His name is Jesus, and He comforts us and helps us through horrendous times. If you haven’t invited Him into your life, now is a good day to meet Him.

My husband ran across this beautiful verse, and I have it taped to the computer. It is from the Living Bible.

“After you have suffered a little while, our God, who is full of kindness through Christ, will give you His eternal glory. He personally will come and pick you up, and set you firmly in place, and make you stronger than ever.”  I Peter 5:10.

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Scammers

 

When tricksters learn our loved one is gone, they find way to cheat us.

I have a doctor sending me notices for services he didn’t do. An ambulance company sent a bill for services they didn’t perform.

Tips for Caregivers.

1.   If an invoice arrives, check it out before you pay it.

2.   Be careful what you put on social media.

3.   Remember hackers are out there, and they read obits.

4.   Check the Internet to see how many times you find your loved one’s name. You can send a cease-and-desist letter to the organizations that have misinformation. I had our funeral home write one to Echovita. They are an Internet site that gathers obits. They make up their own obit based on what they find and read. I don’t think they gather info to harm. They say they want to help, but it is more information for scammers.

5.   As we close Shelley’s business, one entity wanted us to take a picture of the death certificate and email it. I didn’t think that was a good idea. Secure sites get hacked. Any information with her name, social security number, etc. should be kept safe. Smart hackers can trace data back to the family and who knows what sort of evil they can plan.

The First Holidays without Them

 

The First Thanksgiving, Christmas, and birthdays are the hardest when our loved one has gone before us.

As time goes on, counting weeks and holidays cease to be foremost in our minds.

I spoke to a lady this week whose daughter suddenly passed away forty years ago. She said, “Even after this many years, something hits me unexpectedly, and I grieve again. Don’t be surprised when this happens to you. It is normal.”

Without warning, her daughter left this Earth. I had ten years of knowing mine was leaving. Which is worse? I can’t say. Both are equally hard. I grieved a lot in advance. This lady grieved a lot after the incident.

Grief can be caused by different events. Divorce. Loss of wealth or health. Loss of a job. 

What do we do to combat the sorrow?

I found suggestions on the Internet. Here they are.

1.  Take care of ourselves.

Right! That is easier said than done. A friend of mine lost thirty pounds when her daughter passed away. I’ve gained fifteen. I am a stress eater.

2.   Exercise.

Okay, so I am sort of doing that. I’m walking again and going to my fitness class. I haven’t lost weight yet.

3.   Sleep

Oh my, how I’d love to do that. Another friend who is experiencing grief over the loss of home and profession tells me she sleeps all the time. I take Melatonin, but I’m often awake.

4.   Talk about your feelings.

I sort of do this. However, some of my family say, “just get over it.”  That is not easy, is it?

5.   Find a support group.

I I think this is a good idea. I haven’t found one yet. 

I know many who are reading this blog are grieving. The only thing I can say to us is to be patient.

I trust in the Lord, and He helps me. If you don’t have a relationship with Him, I suggest you begin one. Start a conversation with Him. Buy a Bible and read it. Start with the Psalms.  Look up John 14 where Jesus tells us He prepares a place for us, and we will be with Him.

Let me know your thoughts. I’m in here with you.