Patriotic Times

 Happier days in assisted living. 2018

Patriotic Times

Like most of us, Shelley loved patriotic holidays.  Her favorite one is July 4. Not only is this date America’s birthday, but it is also mine.

Back in her employed career, holidays provided days away from a busy place. Shelley worked for an insurance agency and won awards for sales. Not being retail, her job didn’t’ require weekends, so she welcomed holidays with a three-day extension. 

Shelley loves her country, and she celebrated each patriotic holiday. She was proud of her grandfather and son for serving in the US Army. 

Her son Rich is the taller man who stands in front by the man with flag. He was the platoon leader at graduation. Shelley loved every proud moment of this day..

Perhaps, deep down, she has days of thanksgiving for America. On Memorial Day, she would voice gratitude for the sacrifices men and women have made through the years.

At her memory care facility, the aids decorate hallways and community rooms with streamers and other red, white, and blue paraphernalia. The aids do their best to keep residents current with times and dates. They direct a news event every afternoon to residents who are able to come. The aid in charge gives the day and date and then they read news about current events. I sometimes wonder how much these residents understand or retain. All are in various stages of dementia.

Shelley doesn’t attend. In fact, no one bothers to take her to these gatherings. This bothers me, but I also understand why they fail to include her. She can’t easily sit in a straight-backed chair, and she is past understanding what the aids talk about.

Music is different. She enjoys music and would like to participate in musical joint sessions.

She remembers tunes, and patriotic melodies are among her favorites. She likes the “Star Spangled Banner,” “My Country Tis of Thee,” and the “Battle Hymn of the Republic.”

As we remember the men and women who paid the supreme sacrifice for our country, let us also remember to talk about these events to our loved ones with dementia.  Here are suggestions.

1. Show them pictures of loved ones who serve, or once served.

2. Sing patriotic songs.

3. Say the Pledge of Allegiance.

4. Give them a tiny flag and talk about the day.

Another Trip to the Hospital

 

Shelley fell last Wednesday, April  19. 😢

When a resident falls in the facility where she lives, the policy is to send the person to a trauma center.

The EMS chose the Memorial Hermann trauma center in the medical compex. It's a far distance and a nightmare to get to. 😕

Hubby and I had taken medication, and we can't drive once we take it. We couldn't go.

I felt guilty. I wasn't there. 

Even today, I feel guilty.

She was in good hands and wouldn't know if I was there or not, but I knew.  

I stayed awake most of the night calling the hospital to check on her. They planned a CT to make sure there was no brain injury. A CT requires stillness from a patient. Shelley can't lie still.

When morning came, they decided to give Shelley a shot. Whatever they inserted into a 92 pound person was dynamite.

The CT showed no injury, so the doctor sent her back to the facility. She arrived totally knocked out, and I couldn't wake her.

I had the aid take her blood pressure. It was 84/59. 😟 Yes, I was worried.  I called the nurse.

The nurse is an athletic sort and could lift Shelley. Something I can't do.  She got water down Shelley and got her up to walk. Now, mind you, this nurse is almost carrying Shelley as they "walked." However, the movement and hydration brought the BP up. 

The nurse sat her in her recliner, and I fed her a bottle of Boost. She is able to suck through a straw. The nurse wanted her to sit as straight as possible for fear of aspiration. We propped her up as much as possible.

After the injection wore off, Shelley returned to her normal self, but it took two days.

I usually try to give helpful hints to caregivers, so here are a few.

1. Don't be shy. If your loved one needs help, get it. You are their mouth piece. I demanded the nurse to come and help, and it made all the difference.

2. Remove guilt as much as possible.  I'm working on this one. My mind tells me I did the right thing by not rushing to the hospital. She was in good hands. My emotions tell me I should have been there. What could I change by being there? I ask myself that question. The answer is nothing. She still would have been given the knock-out shot. and I would have been sitting there all night and all day the next day. This brings me to number 3.

3. As caregivers, we must take care of ourselves. We neglect this crucial part of caregiving. We put the loved one first, but once we reach out breaking point, then what? 

4. Talk to someone. A social worker happened to be in the facility when Shelley returned. This man came by to see how Shelley was doing. We discussed her condition, and then he asked, "how are you?" I burst into unexpected tears.  He spoke kindly to me, and I felt better.

This is a difficult journey. Take heart in knowing you aren't alone.

Sweet Memories

 IPhones are amazing. They produce videos all by themselves.  The above one popped up recently, and I thought I'd share it.  The video has pictures from 2018/2019. Shelley went through a lot of hairstyles back in those days.

The last style is a pixie. None of us liked that one, but her hair grows quickly. She is a natural brunette, but she decided she wanted to be blonde, and she liked that color.

When she lived in  the assisted living in Columbus Oaks, Columbus, TX, I took her way out in the country to Rudy's.  Rudy had a mobil home turned into a hair salon, and he was good with hair, and he was excellent with Shelley and her dementia.

Before Covid, I ask Rudy to cut in short in a style Shelley had worn once.  It was sort of a mullet back then. I showed him pictures. He must have been having an off day because Shelley ended up with a pixie.

Shelley loved wearing makeup and jewelry.  I remember how shocked I was the day I went to the assisted living in Columbus, and she wasn't dressed yet. I put the makeup out for her. She looked at it, and then turned those big eyes up to me and said, "I don't remember how." The day before, she had remembered and had applied it flawlessly, but from that day on, someone had to apply makeup to her little face.

Dementia is strange. It's common for a person suffering with it to instantly have a skill vanish. What they do today, can't be done tomorrow.

Yesterday was her birthday, and we took cakes and presents. She wasn't aware of much of what we were doing, but as we began to gather up items, she said, "Are y'all leaving?"

That's the first sentence she has generated in months. She responds appropriately, but when she talks, it is gibberish.

March 6, 2023, Shelley with sister, Christy

Taking pictures is difficult these days. Shelley is bent over and can't hold her head up.  If you say, "smile," she doesn't seem to understand. She only smiles if she sees me.

The staff had her dressed in a pretty dress. I had bought it for her several years ago to wear at Easter. They tied her long hair into a pony tail. No makeup, though. It's is difficult to apply cosmetics. Like a child, Shelley wants to eat whatever is brought close to her face.

She was diagnosed in 2014, so we are into our 9th year.  Most studies say early onset dementia patients live about 8 years.  I found myself wondering if this would be her last birthday.

I did well yesterday. I didn't burst into tears during the day. Sister, Christy, and her dad did well too. I know it was because people prayed for us.

One of the kindest things you can do for a caregiver is pray for them.