Ask for Help

 

A friend called a couple of nights ago. He and his wife were leading an older couple back to their home.

The eighty-six year old neighbors needed help, and my friends are known for their generosity and willingness to lend a hand.

The elder wife had left to buy groceries and didn't return home in a reasonable time.  The husband went nextdoor to my friends and asked what to do.

After touring the grocery store and not locating the lady, my friends called the police and reported the elderly lady missiing.

In the meantime, they searched parking lots of various market places.

In the late afternoon, the police called. The lady had been found in Shreveport, LA!  She had driven from Houston, TX to Shreveport. When she reached a park, she left the car and sat at a bench.

A mother and children were playing nearby and spoke to the lady. They soon realized the elder had demenita and called the police.

My friend and his wife took the man to Shreveport so he could retrieve his wife and her car.

The elder man plans to hide the car keys from his wife, and I hope that works.

Even though their cognitive skills are decling, people with dementia can be crafty.  I've heard of many stories where the dementia suferer finds those keys and heads out.

Caregives have a tough time finding ways to keep the loved one independent, but safe.

Since the husband doesn't want his wife driving anymore, perhaps he should sell the car.

Of course, that always presents another problem. Explaining to loved ones why we do something is a challenging situation. 

If you tell a person with demenia they can't drive, they'll argue with you that they can. They might even become angry and violent.

I've heard creative stories. "The car was stollen." The car is in the repair shop." "Our daughter needs a car. She borrowed it." 

When we try to save the feelings of our loved ones and keep them calm, we sometimes must invent a story.

Do we like to lie?  Of course not! 

But we fight at disease that's cruel. We do what we have to do.

And it hurts.

If you have a loved one with this disease, don't be afraid to ask for help. My friends helped the neighbor, and the Good Samaritan who found the lady in the park helped too.  By the way, the police who came to the park stayed with the lady until help arrive. 

Too often, we caregivers don't ask for help.  There are times when we need it, and there are many who are willing to give it. These sweet helpers can't help if they don't know they are needed.