Sunshine and Hurricane

 

 

Seven months have soared by since my God opened His arms to my little Shelley. I have moments when it seems like she left yesterday, and other times, it seems long ago.

I sang “You Are My Sunshine” to her every time I visited her in the Memory Care. The happy ditty became our theme song. She smiled as I sang it. Until she couldn’t smile any longer.

I found this plaque on Amazon, and it made me smile and cry at the same time. Weird how that happens, right?

Shelley was this:  Sunshine mixed with hurricane.

I asked my husband what he liked most about Shelley. After thinking about it, he said, “Her compassion and willingness to help in any situation.”  I said, “Me too.  What was your least favorite attribute about her personality?”

After a few minutes, he replied, “Her determination to do her own thing.”

Again, I said, “Me too.”

Shelley lived in the moment and seldom thought about consequences. As a teenager, this caused her dad and me to have sleepless nights. As an adult, she often continued her haphazard decisions.

Did people think less of her for her hurricane personality? Not at all. We accepted the sunshine and the storms of her nature.  

Everyone adored her. At her funeral, one of her coworkers said, “I loved her even when she made me mad.  She called me at 5:00 one morning and asked me to call her in an hour to make sure she woke up in time for work.”

Most of us have moments that make others wonder about us. Shelley was blessed because people accepted her as she was.

Come to think of it, God gives us all that same grace. He accepts us as we are. My little Sunshine is up there now, shining and singing for Him.

 Gay on Amazon

Helpful Hints for Caregivers

1. Talk to people about your loved one.

2. Ask questions.  What was your favorite thing about your loved one's personality?  Least favorite?

3. Cry when you feel like it. 

Shelley Lives!

 

Resurrection Sunday!

Easter Sunday, the day God raised Jesus back to life. I like the term Resurrection Sunday.

God restored Jesus to life with a new body. This body could walk through walls, appear, and disappear. His body couldn’t suffer disease, not that it ever experienced illness, but the new body would forever be healthy. And His new form would never die again.

Jesus died on a cruel cross for the sins of humanity, past, present, and future. When we ask Him to forgive us and join His spirit with ours, He does so. When we die, our spirit goes to Him in glory.

One day, He will return to Earth from Heaven, and He will resurrect our bodies to reunite them with our spirit. Our glorified bodies will be like His. We will be able to fly around and disappear if we want to. However, I think we will be worshiping and praising more than vanishing and reappearing for fun.

I know our little Shelley is up there right now, living and breathing, and she is enjoying her regained health. While on Earth, she sang one of her favorite hymns entitled, “In the Garden.” The chorus to that hymn says, “And He walks with me, and He talks with me.”  Well, she’s up there and literally walking and talking with Him.

When we die, our spirits will live somewhere. For those of us like Shelley, the believers in Jesus Christ, we will live eternally with Him in Heaven. For nonbelievers, they will live forever in the bad place.

I taught my Bible Study yesterday. At the end, I showed a video I found on Facebook. It comforts me. A talented AI person produced a woman running two steps at a time up a flight of stairs to Jesus. The lady has long, dark, brown hair like my Shelley. The AI video lady is taller than my petite daughter, but Shelley would have been running with her hair flowing like this lady in the video.

I watch it often. It reminds me that she is a living, healthy, happy, and lovely child of God. The video image is so much better than the earthly body. While here, she was a sick, facsimile of her former self. But not anymore!

Shelley running to Jesus

Tips for Caregivers

Encourage youself as much as possible. Think happy thoughts. Enjoy nature. It relieves stress.

Console yourself with this fact. Your loved one will soon be well and healthy again.

Take heart: You will also be free of the responsiblity of care. The financial burden will be lifted. And it is okay to look forward to this day.

Forgive yourself of all guilt. You've done the best you can.

Anger Happens

 

“Are you angry?”  A lady ambled up to me after a fitness class. I see her working out, but I’ve never met her and don’t know her name.

I’m sure my eyebrows rose at her question. They usually do when I’m surprised. “Am I angry about what,” I asked?

“I know your daughter passed recently, and I see you looking normal. Aren’t you angry about what happened to you?”

“No, I’m not angry. I get sad, and sometimes I’m more depressed than at other times, but I’m not angry.”

The lady began to cry. Tears of sorrow flooded her cheeks faster than she could wipe them away. “I’m so angry that I want to yell and smash something.”

Whoa! I thought. What do I do now? I replied. “I can see you are upset. What caused this rage?”

Between sobs, the woman explained her husband of 50 years had made unwise decisions, and they now they had no money or friends. She went on to tell me he yells at her over and again to “just get over it.”

I said you need a hug, and I gave her one. But what else to say? People who are hurting don’t need platitudes. They need help. Answers. But what can I do to support, and what answers could I give to help?

Our choices affect other people and cause a ripple result. This lady didn’t gamble money away, her husband did, and she now suffers the consequences of his actions.

Bummer? Right?

I never expected to bury a daughter, but I did. We have no control over all our circumstances, but we can choose our actions and thoughts.

The troubled lady thought I looked as though I’m doing well. She can’t see inside my heart, just as I can’t see into hers. But I see hurt on her face. She didn’t see pain on mine. On that day, anyway.

This lady kept saying, “I need to be kind. I need to forgive.”

I replied, “That is a good response. You’re on the right track.”

 Is it easy to forgive and move on?

A big no! Choosing to forgive and acting kind takes work. And it is exhausting. And for hundreds, like me, it’s more draining than not. It is equally hard for this dear lady, too.

I’m not angry with God for taking my daughter. She was so sick! And now she isn’t.

But what if my feet were in this lady’s shoes? I’m guessing I’d be angry at my husband for doing unreasonable things, and I might be angry at God because He allowed it.

I’d be in good company. In the Old Testament, Job and Jonah became angry with God. They also lived to talk about it.

Moses also had his problems with the Almighty.

What did they do to get over it?

Nothing.

God intervened at the proper time.

Did it make them feel good to be angry at God?

Probably.

For a tiny bit of time, anyway.

But when reason took over, these guys realized how merciful God is.

And that humbling fact surpassed everything else.

My friends, I don’t know where you are on your journey. Perhaps you are angry. Depressed. Feeling hopeless. In daily tears.

Emotions are just that. They aren’t facts. And that’s okay. God gave them to us, and they teach us stuff He wants us to know.

Facts are these:  God loves us. He’s merciful beyond measure. He’s with us even when we are angry, and He understands.

As the day darkens into night, so do our circumstances.

Chin up!

Dear one, it will get better. Don’t give up! Wait to see what God has planned for you!

Helpful Hints

1. We are angry at the disease, not the loved one who has it.

2. Ask for help. If no one volunteers, hire someone for a few hours. Go to a movie. Go shopping.

3. If you can afford one, get a massage.

4. Take care of yourself. I know it is easier said than done, but find a way to do it.