I Went Back

 

Yesterday, November 20, 2025, I went back to Shelley’s residence, the last one she stayed in before moving her spirit to heaven.  She transcended to her eternal home on October 26, 2024.

How did I feel as I entered the familiar place?

Not as melancholy as I expected. You see, I always thought if I could make it through the first year’s anniversary, I’d survive. 

I pulled into a parking place I had used many times before and felt okay. Sure, I said a quick prayer, but I didn’t feel the urge to cry.

I was there to play the piano. I had offered to play many times in the past while Shelley was a resident, but my husband never wanted me to do so. Why, you ask? I have no idea. I’m no expert pianist, but I can play hymns in an adequate fashion, and we had donated hymn books to the facility.

Anyway, without telling him, I decided to go back and play for the residents. I can’t do much, but I can do that.

They had rearranged furnishings, but otherwise, it appeared the same. At least with furniture. The personnel have changed many times over. I often wonder why that is.  Working with dementia patients is a difficult job. Perhaps that’s one reason why.

The activity director had positioned the patients in a gathering behind the piano. I like to see the audience, but with the piano placed that way, I couldn’t, but I heard some of them sing!

One lady sat in a wheelchair right behind me. I played old, familiar hymns, and she sang the words, and she hit all the high notes. She impressed me big time. She had a gorgeous voice. A choir master would have been overjoyed to have her in the choir.

Others sang too.  I’ve always said music is the last to leave the mind.

Before Shelley moved to memory care, she lived in an assisted living facility.  Retired guys brought karaoke machines. They sang, and they danced with the residents. The ladies loved the attention.

I will play there again. I received more blessings than I gave.

Where Shelley was

Gay's Author Page

Tips for Caregivers

1.    Take music with you.

2.    Sing with them, even if you can’t carry a tune.

3.    If you play, do so for the residents.

4.    Even if you don’t know anyone in a facility, you can offer music to them.

5.    Offer to dance with them.

 

 

Months Vanish into Yesteryear

 

 

The Months Vanish into Yesteryear

 

A few people recover from grief quickly, even if they loved the deceased person deeply. They move on to the next phase of life as if the sorrow was a mere blimp in the road.

Others mourn for years. The sadness is heartbreaking, and they carry it forever.

Where are you in the process of grief?  We all experience it with different emotions and sometimes, the emotions repeat themselves. One day, we are okay with our loss, and the next, we are angry. Then a week later, we are sad. The repetition continues.

Grief recovery is different for each of us. We are snowflakes, unique with our perspectives and upbringing.

If we have surgery, a scar remains as a reminder of the incident. It takes days to recover from a medical procedure. After the healing, we experience health again, but a scar remains, and it jogs our memories. We’ve been through something important.

While living in the survival mode, there is no right or wrong way to feel. No magical genie in a bottle to blow grief away. We live with it. Period.

Helpful people may say to you, “Just move on.” Perhaps they can do that, but it may not work for you. I recently had a family member tell me, “Oh, I forgot about her death.” This person finds it easier to adjust that I do.

It has been a year since my daughter left this earth. During these past months, I’ve carried on with the necessary things, but I’ve also cocooned myself. I don’t answer the phone. My hubby knows I won’t answer, so he does it. I don’t go somewhere unless it is a must. I don’t dress unless I’m going somewhere. I play games on the computer. They rest my mind.

However, I’ve given suggestions below, and these suggestions continue to help me. My support group consists of two women who have gone through grief. I took medication for a brief time, and my Bible study is a godsend. 

God grant us mercy as we live with our grief.

 

Help for Caregivers

1.     Find a support group. Don’t try to go through this process alone. You want to be healthy, and a support group can help with that.

2.     See a doctor for your extreme sadness. Temporary medication can help.

3.     Join a Bible Study. Exploring how Bible characters went through grief can be enlightening. Take the story of Joseph in Genesis. His brothers sold him into slavery, and he also spent years in prison. He was totally innocent. How did he handle it?

 

Forms of Alzheimer's

 

I hear about so many these days who have a form of dementia/Alzheimer's. And some are quite young. It doesn't seem to be an old people’s disease anymore. Scientists claim early-onset is rare, but as of today, 110 of every 100,000 adults aged 30 to 64 are diagnosed with it. That’s about 200,000 Americans. This number is increasing, and more women have it than men.

Our daughter was officially diagnosed at age 50, but she had it before she was diagnosed.

Mayo Clinic

Scientists are researching causes, and they have a few ideas, but no one knows for certain the origins for the disease in each case.  Sometimes, the doctors can’t diagnose the exact kind of dementia.

When our daughter lived with it, one doctor said it was Pick’s Disease. And her symptoms fit that disorder. The neurologist said, “No, it’s not Pick’s, I’m not sure what it is specifically, but it could be alcohol related.”

I have friends whose husbands are in facilities. Their doctors could never come up with an accurate description, either.

Here are a few names for the ailment.

1.    Late on-set

2.    Early on-set

3.    Genetic

4.    Lewy Body

5.      Frontal Lobal and Posterior Cortical Atrophy.

6.    Pick’s

7.    Alcohol

8.    Vascular

9.    Mixed

I think sometimes, when doctors don’t know, they say it is mixed. And so many have mixed symptoms. The disease is like snowflakes. All are similar and all are unique.

Tips for Caregivers

1.    Don’t expect your loved one to be like the others.

2.    The doctor may not know what kind of dementia your loved one has.

3.    Don’t expect answers to what comes next. These stages stabilize, and experts can guess, but they can’t predict with much certainty.

4.    Do the best you can. Realize you are a limited human being. Forgive yourself when you act frustrated. Sad. Angry. Depressed.

5.    Seek help for yourself when the rough gets too rough, and it will.