Grief! Here it Comes Again.

 

Boom! It Happens!

While driving past my turnoff to Shelley’s former residence last Saturday, I suddenly had overwhelming sadness visit me. It was noon, and about that time, twelve weeks ago, I was with her saying goodbye. She transitioned to heaven that day about 5:30. Tears came, but I quickly wiped them away and kept driving.

I was headed toward lunch with two friends whom I met at one of the memory care facilities. Their husbands were there. We connected instantly. Mr. H passed first, then, two months later, Shelley did also. Mr. C is now in the process of transitioning.

My friends understood my weepy condition. After lunch, we sat at the Olive Garden for three hours as we shared hope and help for each other.

Later, with an attempt to express emotion, I posted a statement on Facebook. I said, “Sadness is an unwelcome surprise.” People began contacting me. “Are you okay?”

Yes, I’m doing well. But I rock along thinking my grief is growing smaller, and then it hits me again out of nowhere.

The hospice company wrote me a letter and offered to talk anytime. They stated that the first year is the hardest and grief will live with me.

I’m finding that true.

A friend whose daughter died thirty years ago said she continues to have unexpected moments of sorrow.

How does one prepare for the unexpected sadness?

I’m not sure there is an answer to the question, but I have decided it will happen, so Gay, don’t be surprised.

Grief comes with loss. My heart breaks for citizens who lost everything in the California fires. There are still multitudes of homeless people in North Carolina. My friends lost beloved pets. Another one lost his job.

I Peter 5:7 reminds us to “cast our care on Him because He cares for us.”  I’m placing my name in that verse. “Gay, cast your care on Him because He cares for you.”

If you are sad today, I hope you will find comfort from knowing you aren’t alone. There are many of us out here, and we have an understanding.  The Lord God is also caring about us and our grief.

Why does He allow misery? Well, that’s another story.

I only know He cares. When the inevitable circumstances He allows come our way, He cares when we grieve.

He understands it. He experienced grief when He saw His Son endure the cross.

Grief as a Resident

 Loss Brings Sorrow.

The petite four-year-old child lost her favorite doll, and she cried with sadness. Her heart is broken. Her mom bought her another doll, but she never forgets the one who meant so much to her. The little one lives with grief.

A wife kissed her husband goodbye as he deployed for his latest mission. She fears the doorbell will ring, and she will find a Military Chaplain standing outside with a sad look on his face. Days go by. The military personnel knock on the door, and without a word, the wife knows. She lives with grief.

The man loves his PTSD dog and names him Otis. He slept with Otis for thirteen years. But the time came when Otis had to cross over the rainbow bridge. The man lives with grief.

A couple celebrated sixty years of marriage, but cancer claimed the wife. The husband lives with grief.

The mother and adult daughter once
shared a sweet friendship, but an unfortunate incident divided them. Although they live in the same town, they haven’t spoken in thirty years.  They live with grief.

The man of the young woman’s dreams decided to call off the engagement. The thrown-aside female lives with grief.

A hurricane blew through the southern states leaving multitudes homeless. The inhabitants live with grief.

In the cases above, the death of a loved one brought about grief. In other instances, misfortune caused grief.

Academics say torrid, agonizing grief can last a year, and then it begins to fade into acceptance. Everyone’s journey with grief is different, but all who live with sorrow share common feelings.

Among the emotions the Grief Resident brings are these: Numbness. Anger. Denial. Confusion. Sleep trouble. Appetite problems. Depression. Profound sadness.

Our daughter declined daily for ten years with dementia. We lived with grief during those ten years. Now that her struggle is over, grief continues to exist with us.

Will it end in a year as the academics say?

I have no idea, but even if it does dissipate, and I’m no longer living with acute sadness, I know grief will find its way back to me again. It’s called life, and life brings farewells to all of us. Whether it is to a loved one, a treasured home, health, divorce, or bankruptcy.

Rain and sunshine exist together.

So! Is there hope for this New Year? Yes! Of course there is hope. His name is Jesus, and He comforts us and helps us through horrendous times. If you haven’t invited Him into your life, now is a good day to meet Him.

My husband ran across this beautiful verse, and I have it taped to the computer. It is from the Living Bible.

“After you have suffered a little while, our God, who is full of kindness through Christ, will give you His eternal glory. He personally will come and pick you up, and set you firmly in place, and make you stronger than ever.”  I Peter 5:10.

 Gay's Author Page 

Scammers

 

When tricksters learn our loved one is gone, they find way to cheat us.

I have a doctor sending me notices for services he didn’t do. An ambulance company sent a bill for services they didn’t perform.

Tips for Caregivers.

1.   If an invoice arrives, check it out before you pay it.

2.   Be careful what you put on social media.

3.   Remember hackers are out there, and they read obits.

4.   Check the Internet to see how many times you find your loved one’s name. You can send a cease-and-desist letter to the organizations that have misinformation. I had our funeral home write one to Echovita. They are an Internet site that gathers obits. They make up their own obit based on what they find and read. I don’t think they gather info to harm. They say they want to help, but it is more information for scammers.

5.   As we close Shelley’s business, one entity wanted us to take a picture of the death certificate and email it. I didn’t think that was a good idea. Secure sites get hacked. Any information with her name, social security number, etc. should be kept safe. Smart hackers can trace data back to the family and who knows what sort of evil they can plan.