Eating Shrimp

 

I met two friends for lunch recently. We chose a restaurant featuring an endless shrimp menu.

Wow! We had such fun delving into the various ways this eatery prepared shrimp!

My favorite is popcorn shrimp, but I tried several other varieties. I didn’t care for the coconut selection, but that’s okay, there were other assortments, and I did my best to try them all.

We talked and ate for about two hours. To this day, I feel stuffed with shrimp.  These little things are high in cholesterol but are so satisfying and delicious.

We ate a lot and laughed often.

The three of us share more than a love for shrimp. We each have a loved one who is in a memory care community, and we encountered each other at the one where Shelley once resided.

In July 2023, due to an unholy increase in monthly rates, the three of us had to relocate our loved ones. Talk about stressful! We each found a new facility, but we aren’t in the same complex anymore.

As we three compared notes about where to move and communities we found, we became friends. We texted each other for a time, and then we decided “let’s do lunch.”

Another thing we have in common? We love to eat.

We come from different areas around Houston, so we try to find a spot that’s equal distance for us to travel.

Mr. H., the sweet husband of one of these ladies moved his residence to heaven in August 2023. He lived in the new location about a month after he transferred, but Paradise is a far better dwelling, and we will see him again up there. He wanted to get well and go home, and so he did. His heavenly home, that is. And now he is healed.

Shelley and Mr. H. didn’t live on the same hallway in the former location, but they greeted each other when they crossed paths in the residence. Residents are allowed to roam in a memory care facility (or community as these accommodations prefer to be called.)  

When COVID came, the nurse where Shelley lived requested that we move Shelley into memory care.  At the assisted living residence, people were confined to their rooms, and Shelley wouldn’t stay isolated. In memory care, she and other residents were free to roam and visit with each other. One of the symptoms of dementia/Alzheimer's is roaming. What wasn’t allowed in assisted living was okay in memory care. I always found that an odd thing about quarantine.

So, Mr. H. and Shelley often spoke as they roamed the hallways. Mr. H. never lost his ability to speak, but Shelley did.

I know Shelley would love to be free like Mr. H. Being trapped in a mind and body that doesn’t work is not a happy state. One day, she will join Mr. H. up there in heaven. Shelley will once more be Shelley. The vivacious woman who loves to laugh and give hugs.

Mr. L. lived on Shelley’s hallway in the original facility. I met his wife one night as she visited. Like me, she was shocked when the owners escalated the price without notice. I began talking to Mrs. L. and Mrs. H. about the situation. We three ladies felt the same way. Lost. Stressed. Frustrated. But we began to encourage one another, and we found that we have more in common than loved ones with Alzheimer’s.

We each have a relationship with Jesus Christ!  Yay!  We are sisters, not by blood, but by adoption into the family of God.

So, we get together and dine. And wow! Do we eat?  Yes, indeed we do. We share how good God has been to us. We compare notes on facilities. We disclose our fears, regrets, and joys. Then we eat some more.

These two ladies know what it is like to be where I am. I understand where they are. We have developed a support group. I hear from others who don’t have anyone who understands, and I’m sad for them. I’m grateful for these two friends. If you are reading this and wishing you had a similar group, my heart goes out to you. Please make new friends who can cry and laugh with you.  I am blessed to have these two.

Helpful Hints

Find a friend who understands. If your loved one is in a facility, ask to be introduced to other family members. You never know when a relationship will click and you’ll be off and running.

If your loved one is in the early stages of dementia, look for Adult Day Care facilities. We enrolled Shelley into one, and she loved it. You will meet people there who have similar needs and interests. The Adult Day Care will also give you free time.

Don’t feel guilty for taking time for yourself. The only way we can continue as caregivers to our loved ones is if we are healthy ourselves.

Get acquainted with the aides. They can be a wonderful resource for you. They see and understand more than we realize. I have several aides who call and check on Shelley even though she is in a different facility. These gifted, caring people can become close friends.

If you don’t know the Lord, I highly recommend Him. He’s easy to know and love. Ask Jesus to come into your life and bring you peace.

 

A Memory from May, 2018

I wrote this in May, 2018 and ran across it again recently. 

In A Bible Study, my group talked about Eve. You know, the first woman to live on earth? Yeah, that Eve. Poor lady. She had her sins recorded for history, and now we talk about her. Wouldn't you just hate having your sins written down for all to see and discuss? Me too.

Eve talked too much, was an over eater, and that led to her downfall.

The good news is that God rescued her from shame and forgave her for failure. Oh, sure, she faced consequences, but she witnessed first-hand the resources of a faithful God. 

God isn’t Superman. He’s Super God. He knows our limitations and provides for us.

I was reminded of this yesterday.

As most of you know, our daughter is in an assisted living facility.  The residents are taken twice a month to Walmart to shop. You can’t believe how much they look forward to these outings, especially our daughter. During her well days, she was a gad-about, and she still loves to go places.

At 9:00 AM she called me in convulsive tears. “I can’t go.”

“Why”

“I have no money.”

The facility allows the family to put in $200.00 per month for personal toiletries and various, sundry other items. On this trip, she planned to buy me a Mother’s Day present and card.

Her sweet, little breaking heart in turn broke mine.

I’d been there the day before and had intended to ask the administrator if she needed money in her account. The lady was absent and I couldn’t learn our daughter's balance. Unfortunately, the administration doesn't notify the family when the account nears empty.

She loves Bluebell Moo-llennium ice cream and always buys it on her Walmart trips. I checked her freezer while I was there, and she had 3 half-gallons. I examined all her toiletries and she needed none.  She wanted to buy her mom a present. That’s all.  She probably required about $40.00 for what she had in mind. She had about $30 cash in her purse, but she forgets where it is.

Well……………! I asked a staffer if she could borrow money. NO. Not allowed. I called Walmart and HEB to see if I could buy her a gift card. They both said no. There’s been too much fraud over the phone with gift cards.

I called her back to remind her about the cash in her purse and to suggest she buy one item instead of two. The residents had already left for the trip. My daughter cried. So did I.

A few minutes later, her dad called from his business trip to Houston. He heard my tears and felt the tug of my heart.

He said, “I’ll go there right now. I’ll take her to lunch and then shopping. Tell her I'm coming and I'll be there in an hour."

I called my daughter, and her sadness turned to joy.  She said, “Getting to see my daddy is better than going on the bus with the others.”

“Yes,” I said, “All things work together for good to those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28.

I saw an earthly father drop everything take care of his child yesterday. That’s the way God takes care of us. He is mindful of our needs. He often sends a representative to stand in for Him. Other times, He just does it Himself…one way or another, he hears and sees our tears. Sometimes we see Him working on our behalf, but often we don't. When we do, it bring us to our knees with reverence and admiration.

God, the Father took care of Eve in the garden, but He sent an earthy father yesterday to a heartbreaking daughter. My child is also His child.

Tips for Caregivers:

1. Deep inside, that loved one knows you.

2. Deep inside, that loved one appreciates you.

3. Find positive moments to remember. Like I just did with the one above.